Mr. Malone- Day 4

“So you see, just shift your wait, swing all the way through and there you have it!” I said, the most exited I’d been since we’d arrived at this crazy land that someone was interested in golf. I showed him my swing a few times and let him have a go. While he was swinging, Jamal pulled me aside and muttered perhaps the scariest thing I had ever heard, and not just because of the bad grammar.
“A’it, Mr. Shalome, time to do this ghetto style”
I stood there, stunned as Mr.Malone walked up behind Sam the Toucan mid-swing, easily pulled Bessie out of his hand-wings, and knocked Sam out cold. I ran over to Jamal as fast as my veteran chief executive legs could carry me, and took hold of my Bessie;
“BESSIE IS NOT A WEAPON! SHE HAS FEELINGS!”
“Do you want to get home, or not?”
“ All Sam wanted to do was learn to golf, something we should all learn.”
“Uh huh, let’s just go--hey! Look what fell out of this guy’s pocket-- the Golden Fruit Loop! And this paper thingy!”
:”That’s a map, genius. Hand it to me-- BUT CAREFULLY!” I said, as Jamal started folding it into a rather uneven paper airplane.”Alrighty it says here that to get to the Silver pineapple, we must go 700 paces eastward! Easy as Crumpets!” Then it dawned at me that my compass was in my fanny pack at home and my old heart dropped. When I informed Jamal, perhaps the strangest thing occurred.
“ I’ve heard of a compass before! I have that game on my phone! It’s really stupid though, cuz all you do is turn the phone and the arrow points...Mr. Malone do you have to go? Cuz your face is all twitchy.”
“We are saved! Long live the Queen!” So I snatched up the cellular telephone from Jamal’s hand,quickly handed it back and commanded him to bring up the compass ‘game”(it’s not my fault I don’t know how to work all of this modern-day technology nonsense). When he handed it back to me, I took one glance and pointed north.
“Onward Ho!”
Jamal, for some reason, could not stop laughing the entire way there, but I simply ignored him, as I did all poor people, and and trudged on. It seemed like forever, and Jamal kept messing up my counting, but we finally got there.
“...699, 700! Ah, here we are! Wait... this is a cave entrance.”
“I think we’re ‘spose to go in.” Oh, Jamal.
“I don’t know, cave exploration was never my cup of tea...” I told Jamal, wearily.
“ Aww, don’t be such a scaredypoo, monsters aren’t real. C’mon, let’s roll.”
As Jamal strolled nonchalantly into the cave, I had no choice but to follow.Just as I stepped foot into the cave, though, a scene from a horror movie happened. The ground started rumbling beneath me, so harshly, that I toppled over. I knew I my Life Alert necklace could no longer come to my assistance, so like a romance montage, I threw Bessie as far from danger as I possibly could--it hit Jamal.A vicious cult of albino chipmunks rose from the ground. I nearly wet myself.